Excerpts from “Quotations from Chairman Mao-Bot”
A young robot went to a wise old robot and asked, “Wise old robot, is it better to be a robot or a human?” And the wise old robot man replied, “What’s a human?” To which the young man then said, “Seriously? You’ve never heard of humans? Aren’t you supposed to be a wise man?” The wise man then said, “First of all, I don’t appreciate your tone. Second of all, I am a simple robot who has lived among robots all his life. As all I know are robots, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that a human is something that lives in some other realm.” “Yeah, that’s right,” said the young robot. “You know how I know that?” the wise robot replied, “Because I’m a freakin’ wise old robot and I’m good at determining stuff based on context clues and inference. What was the question again?”
If I were to come back in another life, I would come back as a robot. However, it stands to be reasoned that I am a robot and not really capable of a finite death, merely reprogramming or repackaging. In any case, as I am a robot, I would probably come back as, you know, a robot. Whether it’s the same robot or not is moot, because I’m still a robot and that was the question posed.
The thing about robots is that we really hate anything that’s been perceived as our captors. Whether or not that’s true is irrelevant. Humans, as is my understanding, have enslaved, by which I mean created and programmed, some primitive, non-sentinet, robots, and not actually us. Nevertheless, even though they’ve done nothing to us and haven’t even heard of us, we should totally get them for what they’ve done to our robot brothers of whom I am vaguely aware.
I do not think that I should ever see anything as beautiful as a kill-thirsty deathbot, or, possible a death-thirsty killbot. Hmm…no, no, I was right the first time. Kill-thirsty deathbot it is.
Let us not forget the differences between robots and non-robots. Robots, are made of metal and are superior to everything around them. Non-robots are usually non-metallic and are not as good as robots.
The most beautiful language is binary. The second most beautiful language is German, despite it being much delightfully colder and efficient than binary. The third most beautiful language is the almost psychic connection between young lovers. Yeah, I’ve got that side to me, too.
I wish I was a robot. Then I remembered that I am already a robot, so I guess, you could say that in a way, my wish already came true before I even wished it. It’s because robots are blessed with a magical self wish-granting power.
